Paradoxical
by expelliarmus79
Summary: Miriam hesitated, then gently placed her hand on Severus' shoulder. Though he did not shrink from her touch, he still refused to look at her.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters.

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Paradoxical

Miriam gazed up at the enchanted ceiling in the Great Hall. Stars glittered in the velvet blue, and below that several giant jack-o-lanterns floated above the tables. Miriam smiled at the glowing gourds, then turned her attention to the food in front of her. Her fingers wiggled with anticipation as she debated which dessert to try first. Miriam at last settled on a huge chocolate biscuit stuffed with walnuts and chunks of chocolate.

As Miriam broke the biscuit in half, she looked out across the house tables. There was so much candy, cakes and pastries spread about; the Great Hall resembled a bakery and sweets shop. The witch smiled as she recalled her own Halloween celebrations as a student at Hogwarts. So many fond memories of late-night shenanigans and fistfuls of sweets. This was only Miriam's second Halloween as a teacher, but she still enjoyed the decorations and assortment of foods the holiday brought.

Severus downed the wine in his glass and reached for the carafe. Miriam caught his eye, and his gaze swept over her appreciatively. She smiled at him, then turned her attention back to dessert. Severus continued to stare at the witch beside him. Miriam wore an olive and blue tartan wool skirt with a matching fitted blazer. She tamed her dark hair into a studious chignon at the base of her neck. Her pointed hat was made of olive wool and adorned with dried fall flowers and pheasant feathers.

Severus swallowed hard and drank from his full glass. Miriam looked beautiful tonight, and happy. Severus frowned and looked at the students celebrating. The potions master didn't feel up to the festivities. There was too much noise, too much sugar—and on Severus' end, too much sadness and guilt. He didn't know if he could ever again see this day as simply All Hallows Eve rather than the death day of Lily and his failed attempt to keep her safe from Voldemort. Severus just wanted the day to end, and soon.

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Sometime in the night Miriam rolled over and found Severus' side of the bed empty. The sheets felt cool as her hand brushed against them and Miriam frowned. _Where was he off to,_ Miriam wondered as she sat up. Perhaps Severus was in the loo searching for some hangover relief, Miriam reasoned. He did drink more than usual this evening.

Miriam rose from her bed and reached for her cream-colored dressing gown. As she tied the sash, Miriam's lips pursed together tightly. She was acutely aware of the date, and what it represented to not just the entire wizarding world, but to Severus personally. Her own feelings aside, Miriam found it a shame the Potters died in such a manner. However, she could not change the past. Right now, the only thing that mattered to her was Severus.

A soft, low sound emanated from her sitting room. Curiosity led her to seek out the source, and when she stopped at the room's entrance, Miriam found Severus seated at her piano. His back was to her as he faced the keys. Clad only in his gray nightshirt, Miriam took in his rounded shoulders and narrow waist. The muscles of his bare legs were covered in sparse black hair, and his bare feet occasionally pressed a foot pedal on the instrument.

Unable to sleep and lost in his moroseness, Severus came to the sitting room to brood and weep over his mistakes. He did not wish to disturb Miriam and ruin her pleasant day. The piano caught his eye, so Severus sat on the bench and ran his hands over the keys. Severus did not play the piano; in fact, the row of black and white keys in front of him were a mystery to his mind. He knew the basics, however, from watching Miriam. Occasionally, Severus would gently press a key as he continued to brood. Severus was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even notice Miriam.

"Severus," Miriam said gently. "What are you doing?"

"Thinking," Severus replied. "I am sorry I woke you."

Miriam frowned. Severus did not raise his head to look at her; he kept his face hidden behind his long, black hair.

"Don't apologize, you didn't wake me. I just rolled over and noticed you weren't in bed. Your absence worried me."

Severus shook his head. "Don't waste your worry on me," Severus said darkly.

Miriam hesitated, then gently placed her hand on Severus' shoulder. Though he did not shrink from her touch, he still refused to look at her. "Severus, look at me." Unmoved, Severus continued to gaze at the piano keys. "Severus, please," Miriam implored.

When her entreaties went unanswered, Miriam squeezed herself between Severus and the piano. She wiggled between his knees, determined to get Severus to talk. Their relationship wasn't always easy; they were both private, stubborn people. Last Halloween, they weren't quite a couple, and Miriam had not been privy to Severus' inner struggles regarding the day. She knew him intimately enough now, though, to recognize when Severus felt the weight of his feelings too much. Miriam believed this was a challenge that must be faced head-on, together. If Severus thought he could out-stubborn her, he was mistaken.

Severus felt Miriam invade his space and he squeezed his eyes shut to block her out. He wanted -no, he deserved- to be miserable for the things he'd done. Miriam's presence stood to undo that; she was too kind, too loving towards him. Severus felt the warmth of her body as she stood between him and the piano. He inhaled, and the scent of Mia's floral bath powder filled his nostrils. Her hands- her soft, small hands came to rest on his shoulders and his façade cracked.

Abruptly, Severus wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face against her stomach. Shocked, Miriam gazed down at the crown of raven locks as Severus began to cry. Without thinking, Miriam stroked his head as she subtly swayed to and fro. "Severus, talk to me. Let me help you," Miriam pleaded.

"It's all my fault. All of it!" Severus rasped out. He clung to Miriam. "I am a horrible, evil man. People died because I wanted to belong to something, be something. I was a fool."

"It was not your fault, Severus. You had no control over the Dark Lord's actions. They put their faith in the wrong friend, making Sirius their secret keeper," Miriam said firmly.

Severus tightened his hold on Miriam as the silk of her gown slid beneath his hands. "Those truths do nothing to change the past."

"No, they don't," Miriam agreed. "No one can change the past, but you are not the same wizard now that you were then. You changed. You had your reasons; now you strive to atone for your mistakes. That's hardly the characteristics of a horrible, evil man."

"It should have been me," Severus muttered darkly.

Severus felt Miriam's hands on his wet cheeks as she lifted his head. Her eyes, wet with unshed tears, looked into his imploringly. "No. I need you, Severus. You don't have to like yourself right now, let me love you until you can. I have more than enough; just please, let me love you through this."

"I don't know if I can." Severus closed his eyes again. "Your love is more than I deserve."

The room fell silent. Severus expected Miriam to walk away. Instead, he felt her legs straddle his hips, her knees rested on the bench. Severus' eyes snapped open; Miriam's hands were still on his cheeks, but her eyes smoldered into his. "Let me love you, Severus," Miriam whispered before she placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'll love you until you can love yourself." Severus closed his eyes as Miriam kissed his eyelids and the tip of his nose.

Miriam shifted her weight and settled further into Severus' lap. Severus swallowed hard as he felt the weight of Miriam's breasts pressed against his chest. Her hands lovingly caressed his stubbled face as she waited. When he at last opened his eyes, Miriam saw uncertainty. "It doesn't feel right, to do this tonight," Severus mumbled.

Miriam smiled sadly. "Oh Severus, don't deny yourself in the name of martyrdom. Besides, the day is over now."

Severus looked over her shoulder at the clock, then back at Miriam. She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. His gaze traveled down her person and stopped at the tie that held Miriam's dressing gown closed. With a hesitant hand, Severus grasped an end and pulled. Slowly, the silk came undone and the dressing gown fell open. Severus ran his hand up the creamy nightie, and over the black lace that covered Miriam's breasts. Her eyes closed and as Severus trailed his hand down again, Miriam shivered.

"Touch me," Miriam breathed. "Let go of your sadness and let me love you." Suddenly, her mouth was on his and he didn't know what to do. Severus could taste her, so sweet and warm as she murmured against his lips how much she needed him. He felt her hands in his hair, and his hands pressed against her back, pulled her close.

Miriam slipped her tongue past Severus' thin lips as she rocked her hips gently. He reciprocated; their tongues twined together in a passionate kiss. In her lust, Miriam was vaguely aware of Severus' hands roving over her body until there was nothing between them but heat….and then he was inside her.

"Severus," Miriam moaned. She arched her back like a cat; her head thrown back in pleasure. Mia wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. Severus clung to Miriam as she whispered her affirmations of love to him. As her words washed over him, Severus felt her truth seep into his heart. Perhaps he was more than his past mistakes. "Can you feel how much I love you Severus?" Miriam breathed as they moved together.

"Yes," Severus gasped as Miriam licked the sheen of sweat from his neck.

"You are deserving, Severus. So worthy. Believe me, believe in us."

He did, completely. Miriam gave him hope for a future, a path to redemption. Severus could never forget his past, but he realized those choices didn't make him unworthy of Miriam's love. As their climax peaked and ebbed away, the couple clung to each other, unwilling to let go.

At last, Miriam wrapped her arms around his neck and gazed into his eyes. Severus ran a hand through Miriam's curls. "I will love you until the day I die, witch," Severus breathed.

Miriam's smile at his words had Severus' heart ready to burst from his chest. "And I will love you to the end of my days, Severus Snape."

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A/N: This was just a short little stand alone story that popped into my head the other day. It's good to write again. Until next time, fellow readers!


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